


Birthday Punches

by DobbyRocksYourSocks



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: ? - Freeform, Birthday, Gen, Humour, Takeda isn't really in it, i dunno, if he was the relationship tag would be utilized, in general, it's just a bit of fun honestly, it's just old dudes acting too young, just ya know, kinda cracky I think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-20
Updated: 2016-01-20
Packaged: 2018-05-15 03:22:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5769403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DobbyRocksYourSocks/pseuds/DobbyRocksYourSocks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“So you all agree.” Ukai took this moment to stare deep into the souls of his closest friends, taking care to maintain eye contact with the three of them separately for equal amounts of time. Urging across his point further than others may think he needed to. They had no idea how thick his friends were, thus justifying the reiteration, “No more birthday punches.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Birthday Punches

“So you all agree.” Ukai took this moment to stare deep into the souls of his closest friends, taking care to maintain eye contact with the three of them separately for equal amounts of time. Urging across his point further than others may think he needed to. They had no idea how thick his friends were, thus justifying the reiteration, “No more birthday punches.”

“Yes Keishin, Jesus.” Takinoue groaned, slumping back in his chair on the opposite side of the booth, head tilted to rest against the top of the wooden chair and eyes ceiling bound.

“I mean, we’re getting old. It’s just going to start being assault if we continue it.” Ukai pressed. His palms flat against the thick wooden table as he leaned into Mori’s personal space, making sure to finish the soul searching before he leaned back.

“Speak for yourself, I’m still a young. You were just born to be an old man.” Mori replied, grinning as Ukai’s face twisted into one of the offended.

“Only by like 5 years, asshole.” Ukai threw back, falling back in his chair and sipping from his beer.

“Sure, sure old man.” Shimada patted Ukai on the shoulder consolingly and Ukai shrugged it off with a grunt and a glare in his direction.

“Just, if you pull the usual shit at all, but especially in front of my team, I’ll kill every one of you.” Ukai grumbled and Mori joined in the patting of Ukai’s shoulder that Shimada had taken up again, both with highly noticeable smirks etched upon their face.

“We won’t embarrass you in front of your friends, Kei-kun.” Takinoue cooed, reaching across the table to pinch Ukai’s cheek between his fingers and tug.

“All of you can just fuck off.”

 

* * *

 

 

It’s not Ukai’s fault when a barrage of punches falls upon Mori’s slumped frame, draped over his kitchen table, on the 1st of January. It really wasn’t. Okay maybe a little. He was slung across his kitchen table, alright? He was practically inviting him.

If it helps, he was a bit gentler than usual. The man had gone slightly overboard the night before and Ukai figured the headache would serve just as well.

“I thought we weren’t doing that.” Mori moaned, rubbing his temples and blinking blearily, he dropped beneath the table when Ukai yanked open the blinds and hid behind the table cloth.

“We’re not. It’s New Year’s punches.” Ukai’s voice was muffled as he dug through the upper cupboards, searching for the mugs he hadn’t pulled out in a while. There wasn’t as much time as he needed in the mornings often resulting in coffee being poured down his gullet later than he’d like.

“Oh, so I can punch you now?” Mori replied, voice thick with sleep and hoarse due to the previous night’s activities. Takinoue slumped through the doorway, falling into a chair pulled out near the table and dropping his head onto the wooden surface with a groan.

“I thought we said we weren’t doing that.” Takinoue grumbled into the wood and Ukai sighed, dropping the mugs down onto the bench.

“We aren’t. I clearly just received New Year’s punches. Twenty five of them.” Mori explained through a yawn, curled up beneath the table and succumbing to his new position as Takinoue’s foot rest.

“Ah, obviously.” Takinoue agreed with a slow nod, lifting his head to rest his chin against the back of his hand, mouth slowly arching into a large, dopey grin.

Ukai had successfully set the coffee pot to boil and pushed himself up to sit on the bench beside it, surveying his heavy eyed friends with a scowl, “This isn’t a new tradition.”

“Oh, more rules!” Takinoue cried, flinging his hand opposite hand out briefly in his sleepy outrage.

“I still get to punch you though?” Mori’s slurred tone was becoming thicker with each word and the sentence was concluded with a moaning yawn.

“Yeah, sure.” Ukai huffed, face still twisted into a scowl as he glared out the window into the back of his neighbours building.

“Cool. I’m saving them.” Mori murmured into the wooden floorboards, followed by a quiet snore.

“No, Mori! Wake the fuck up you’re not saving them, idiot!” Ukai’s protests were met only by Takinoue’s laughter which was far too boisterous for the still morning and the other inhabitants  
of the small apartment. He was rapidly silenced by Shimada smacking his head as he slouched past.

“Shima-da.” Takinoue whined briefly, rubbing the back of his head, with a scowl not quite impressive enough to match Ukai’s.

“New Year’s slaps.”

“It’s not a thing!”

 

* * *

 

Ukai blames peer pressure for his second failing. Mori and Takinoue had already begun to lay into Shimada who was fighting them relentlessly, crying out about the new rule they’re  
grandfather whom the begrudgingly loved had bestowed upon them. Clearly, Ukai could do nothing but let his fists rain down upon the, now older, man as well.

“So, rule’s called off now?” Takinoue laughed, swinging himself back into the far corner of the booth.

“No. Shimada’s welcome to punch you two come your birthday but he can’t touch me. None of you can.” Ukai slid in beside Takinoue while Shimada and Mori slid in the opposite side, Shimada’s eyebrows creased as his lips formed a bemused smile.

“So I was being punched by a ghost in the end there?” Shimada snarked as Ukai took a deep drink from his beer.

“No, I was punching you because you called me old. Nothing birthday related.” He reasoned between large gulps, successfully burying a grin beneath layers and layers of not wanting to be stopped outside the school gym by his asshole friends mauling him.

“Sure.” Shimada drawled, snatching Takinoue’s only just opened beer and taking a sip, the brown haired man merely sighed, shoving against Ukai’s shoulder so he could reapproach the bar and be caught in another long conversation with the bartender.

“Hey, I still get to punch you though. I’ve got those New Year’s punches saved up.” Mori cut in, grinning as Ukai’s face fell back into its familiar scowl.

“That’s not how that shit works.” Ukai grumbled, taking another long drag from his beer before ducking out of the booth again, “I’m going for a smoke.”

“Hang on, I want one too.” Takinoue dropped his bottle onto the tabletop and shot a brief wary glance at Shimada who smiled innocently back at the blond man. The bartender had been chatting up another, newer, naïve customer and Takinoue had been free to simply claim a beer. Apparently.

“Anyone else?” Ukai questioned, stopping in his march to the windy outdoors to peer at his friends, both of whom shook their heads.

“You better have your own this time.” Ukai shot at Takinoue as he walked through the door Takinoue had already been stood beside, the other blond man shrugged his shoulders and  
followed behind Ukai.

“No, but you wouldn’t deprive an old friend would you?”

“No, I wouldn’t. Good thing you’re not my friend in anyway.”

“You wound me.”

“Good.”

 

* * *

 

Takinoue deserves to be punched every day of his life. It had absolutely nothing to do with his birthday.

“U-kai.” Takinoue sung, slinging his arm over his shoulders and sticking his face far too close to Ukai’s own, his grin was loose and the lack of contact between his lips was allowing the stench of various alcohols to drift beneath Ukai’s nose. The smell was less pungent than it would have been if Ukai wasn’t slipping off the edge of tipsy and into the cavern of drunk himself.

“What?”

“I gotta tell you somethin’.” Takinoue’s breath now blew heavily against Ukai’s ear and the younger man adjusted himself so he could sling an arm around Takinoue’s back to steady the now older man.

“What?” Ukai repeated, he had barely any patience for his friend when they were both sober.

“You know you’re my best friend right?” Takinoue had tilted his head so that he could peer into Ukai’s eyes but only managed to direct his attention to one of them, Ukai supressed any physical evidence of his fondness for the mess of a man that was his best friend and allowed the blond to curl his hand into a fist in his shirt.

“No, no. You’re more like a brother to me.” Takinoue continued, shaking Ukai slightly as he declared the volleyball coach his brother, still maintaining eye-contact. When said coach broke eye contact he gripped Ukai’s cheek and turned his face towards him. Ukai was unwilling to allow Takinoue to witness the effect his words were having on him. A faint, close-mouthed smile appeared across Ukai’s features, it was unusual for the man who normally allowed each emotion to be portrayed as they appeared. But these feelings were more personal than the usual.

“Actually, if we’re talking about family here you’re probably more like a grandpa to me.” Ukai’s smile dropped, “No, no, no. You’re like my…great, great grandpa. No! Grandma. You’re too motherly to be a grandpa.” Ukai dropped his arm from Takinoue’s back and the older man stumbled forward into his chest, Ukai placed his palms heavily on his shoulders and shoved him back, slamming a weak fist into his shoulder.

“OI!” Takinoue cried out, clutching his arm while Ukai jabbed at his stomach, not aiming to cause any damage just a brief, uncomfortable moment. Maybe slightly painful.

“BIRTHDAY PUNCHES!” Mori screeched from the opposite side of the pub and instantly half of the gathered individuals were upon them, the drunken, blond man shouted out, wriggling away from each of the punches.

“I THOUGHT THIS STOPPED! UKAI! UKAI HELP! MY WRINKLED BEAUTY, PLEASE!”

Ukai might’ve punched the man a few more times than he was supposed to for birthday punches, but that just means it wasn’t for his birthday anyway. Just general assault.

…

Well, that isn’t exactly what he told the owners when their son interrupted the friendly scuffle, tearing Ukai and Takinoue apart.

But still.

 

* * *

 

Ukai had never been more nervous for a birthday than his 27th.

He’d made it a point, over the month between his birthday and Takinoue’s to remind them all that there was a rule in place and that technically, technically, he didn’t punch them for birthday reasons and so, they couldn’t possibly justify returning the attack.

Mori claimed he still had saved punches.

Shimada claimed he was easily lead, he was more sheep than man, if Mori started fighting than he’d have no other choice.

Takinoue stated he could never fight an old lady.

Takinoue got punched again.

But now it was the morning of and he was rigidly sat in his bed. The sun was yet to rise as he glared out into his room, surveying it for any signs of a surprise attack. Nothing seemed out of  
place. Everything was quiet excepting the birds loudly chittering to each other outside his window.

Ukai slipped out of bed, scuffed about his small flat above the shop and prepared for his shift at the farm. His grandmother had insisted he not turn up that morning but his father stopped him before he disappeared from his shift in the shop the night prior and assured him that he was more than necessary at the farm and he’d had enough slack birthdays to not need this one.

With heavy eyes, Ukai picked beans for a few hours, until the sun had risen well above him and his knees were aching slightly with the constant re-adjusting of his crouched position. He rose up from the ground for a final time, hands wrapped around just above his hips as he leaned back and cracked his spine. He then stretched out his arms and stood in the small grove, finishing off his cigarette. Soaking in the suns warm rays.

His grandma forced an envelope into his hands along with a thermos with a bright grin and eyes daring him to refuse, a grandson can never turn down a determined grandmother’s generosity.

Half an hour had passed since then and he found himself staring out at the general store, keeping his head position so that the entrance was kept in his peripheral vision. More for his friends than any costumers. This is when he’d hoped they’d strike, if they did at all. Here he was typically alone, here he wasn’t an authority figure.

So, of course, Ukai remained un-bruised for the entirety of his day shift at the store, twitching and flinching as each new costumer wandered through the doors.

Practice went as it usually did, the team piled in all the effort they had as though they were playing their last game and the results for such intense training each day was rapidly appearing in all of the boys. Yamaguchi had successfully managed to evade Nishinoya with his serves three times, one after the other, leaving both boys grinning wildly. Nishinoya had abandoned his post and ducked under the net, sprinting towards Yamaguchi and wrapping him up in a proud hug.

Ukai decided he’d let it slide, just this once.

His final notes at the end of the night were heard with the usual attentiveness from all parties present. More attention was bestowed upon him than many of their teachers, he was sure.  
When he’d called it a night and turned to leave the usual chorus of ‘Thank-you very much!’ was delayed with a rousing ‘Happy Birthday Coach!’

Ukai flushed up to his ears and his right hand almost snapped his neck with the speed it had approached his neck at to nervously rub at the back of.

“Ah, thank-you.” Ukai grunted, barely managing eye contact with the large group of teens and offering a brief smile before withdrawing his cigarette packet from his pocket, he wouldn’t usually smoke anywhere near the school ground but he figured if he could ever get away with it, it’d be on his birthday.

When he approached the gym doors, creating a small gap with his fingers before shoving it the rest of the way open with his shoulder, his wrists were caught in a vice like grip and he was yanked out of the building with an unforgivably high pitched yelp.

Takeda and Daichi exchanged a brief, puzzled look before turning back towards the gym doors which were still open and allowing the cursing and laughing to slip into the silent gym, all eyes pointed towards the door that their coach had suddenly disappeared through.

“Ukai-san?”

“Coach?”

“THE RULE!” Ukai’s voice echoed in the silent gym and Takeda had begun to unwittingly lead the way to the scuffle, curiosity clearly overruling any concerns for the privacy of their secretive coaches life.

“You broke your own rule at least three times asshole.” Another voice floated in, light and filled with amusement.

Takeda smothered a smile when he poked his head through the door to see three of the members of the Karasuno Neighbourhood association volleyball team crowded around a fallen Ukai, landing blow after blow on the flailing man.

“Fuck you guys, couldn’t you have waited half an hour?” Ukai whined as his friends finally took a step back, Takinoue offered him a hand and the blonde took it begrudgingly, heaving himself off the ground with a loud, pained groan.

“What? Are we embarrassing you in front of you friends?” Shimada teased, pouting in an exaggerated manner as he did so, humour sparkling in his eyes.

“I’m supposed to be a least a little bit professional now.” Ukai grumbled, bending down to pick up his fallen cigarette packet with another, small groan.

“Well it is your birthday, we can forgive you just this once.” Takeda spoke up, smiling warmly at the younger man who snapped into an upright position, shoulders brushing the bottoms of his pierced ears as he spun to face the voice.

“Ah, S-Sensei.” Ukai stuttered, eyes wide and mildly horrified as he took in the thoroughly amused team poking out around him, watching on with a variety of smirks, smiles and grins. He felt Mori sling an arm around his shoulder and grinned at the small crowd before them.

“See Ukai! Not a problem! Now, if you’ll excuse us, this old man needs to drink until his liver starts crying salty tears.” Mori bodily turned the pair of them one the spot and Takinoue slung his arm over Ukai’s other shoulder, Shimada lead the way with his hands in his pockets and a spring in his step.

“Oi!” Ukai cried, shrugging his shoulder lightly in a minute attempt to stop the comradery that was currently occurring. It was unsuccessful. Ukai was glad.

“What? You’re not going to make a new rule are you? No partaking in death-defying drinking escapades?” Takinoue questioned, shaking him and Mori slightly as his free hand gestured wildly during his final question. Ukai could smell the barest amounts of alcohol already on his breath and rolled his eyes, lips twitching into a smile.

“Well…”

“NO! Ukai Keishin. You can try and take our birthday punches away from us but you can never, never take our terrible drinking habits!”

“HAI!”

“You’re all fucking losers.”

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, thank-you so much for reading! 
> 
> Now we ditch numbers cause I can't be bothered. 
> 
> I'm sure you all know, Ukai's birthday is on the 5th of April or something like that, so to have the first of his friends birthdays on the first of January and the rest be after that, before Ukai's, with a month between Ukai's and Takinoue's, is ridiculous right? (like the amount of commas in this sentence.) Yes, yes it is. Now I was under the impression that Ukai's birthday was undetermined, no idea why. I celebrated it last year an everything so? I wrote the whole thing, decided to post this on Ukai's birthday, remembered Ukai actually had a birthday, researched it, had a brief cry. Finally I decided, 'fuck it.' So it's here now, it's got stupid dates, it's fine.
> 
> On the topic of things I don't know, I don't have a clue the personalities of Ukai's friends and I don't think I even grasped Ukai's personality that well either really? I dunno. Takinoue is just, I don't know man. I don't know. I'm sorry. AND I know there's another dude in the volleyball team but he's like older, 28/30 somewhere in there (did my research there too didn't I?) and I don't know, I know even less about him than I do Mori so fuck it right.
> 
> Overall though, I like it? Sorta? So I guess that's all that really matter anyway, right mum? Right?
> 
> So, thank-you! Please, let me know what you think! I'm sure there's a multitude of grammatical and spelling errors. Lemme know! (Feel free to leave a kind comment too. Boost my ego a lil. Maybe talk to me on my tumblr 'yam-so-sweet'?) BYE!


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